Tuesday, June 02, 2015

Randomness: Kung Fury FTW!!

This video came out recently and I must say it's f#@kin' awesome! It's everything we love about cheesy 80's action movies. Seriously we got kung fu masters... Scantily clad, machine gun toting viking babes... A Power Glove wielding hacker... Triceratops cop... 80's cartoon afterlife... Also Hitler, because why not! There's a ton more stuff that's in this video that I didn't quite cover, but you got to watch it!

 Seriously if you haven't watched it, you gotta to watch it NOW!!


Friday, February 20, 2015

Totally Pointless: Top Six Female Video Game Outfits That Would Be Impractical In A Real-Life Battle!

We love video games. I love fighting games, but sometimes I always wondered to myself: would the outfits that most female fighters wear stand up in a real fight? Answer: Nope! 

Okay, given that these games are made by game designers who ignore the laws of physics, and mostly give them clothes that magically transfixed to their bodies like glue when they should have been destroyed. So here's a list of six female characters whose outfits have the biggest chance of getting ripped off.

To be clear, this list isn't definitive. Plus, these are characters from games I played and I going to keep it one per franchise.

6. Christie Monteiro, Tekken series, Namco 
This outfit doesn't scream 'I'm ready for street fight', it's saying 'Carnival!'  
Okay Christie is one of my favorite characters from the Tekken games, next to Ling Xiaoyu and the Laws, Forrest and Marshall, and Eddy Gordo. 

Outfit in Question: Let go with the outfit from Tekken 5 and 6, as since she's wearing a sling top and pants with slits down the thighs.

Chance of Nudity:4.5/Full Frontal or topless actions, nip slip, thong action

Maybe a chance of breasts and maybe some thong action assuming she's wearing underwear to begin with that outfit. If not she's also at risk of total exposure. Since I can't tell for sure lets just say 50/50. Besides being from Brazil, she wouldn't mind getting naked.

5. Blaze Fielding, Streets of Rage/ Bare Knuckles series, Sega
Hey Blaze, are you protecting the streets or walking them?!

Now I'm going to cheat a bit since Streets of Rage is a beat' em up and not a Fighting game. Blaze is an ex-cop and expert in judo. An ex-cop that seems to be less concerned with the fact that she looks like a carryover from the 80's in first Streets of Rage game wearing a Beat It jacket, head band, mini skirt, and boots. Of course that being...

Outfit in Question: By Streets of Rage 2, she is now wearing a strapless top, the mini skirt and with the boots is the only carrying over. Looking less like some one who looking for vigilante justice and more like a lady of the night.

Chance of Nudity: 3/Topless action, up skirt, nip slip   

She is definitely going to show boobs as she's wearing strapless tops. Which has a chance of sliding down and her skirt may ride upward and expose her panties

4.Sophitia Alexandra, Soul Edge/Soul Calibur Series, Namco
I could have gone with Tira or Seong Mi-Na, with their serious case of under boobs or Ivy with her outfits which seem to get crazier with every game, they get more and more outrageous. Instead, I'm going to talk about Sophitia. As the outfit in question leaves very little to the imagination.
Toga! Toga! Toga!

Outfit in Question: That Toga mini skirt that she sports in Soul Calibur IV

Chance of Nudity: 4.5/see-through and topless action

Seriously, that's a white outfit. When wet its going to get sheer and judging by the fact she isn't wearing support of any kind, so there going to be nipples and it will get ripped to shreds.  Leaving her partially naked, again, like Christie, nudity isn't an issue with her since she's Greek. 

3. Mai Shiranui, Fatal Fury Series, SNK

Even Taki from Soul Calibur would says you need to dial it back!

My experience with Mai Shuranui is very limited, since I've only played with this character a few times in the arcade. That was a very long time ago. The character is instantly recognizable to people who played the SNK fighter series Fatal Fury and King of Fighters.It may also be noted that she was the first female video game character to have umm.. 'bounce'. 

Outfit In Question: Well, everyone knows what I'm referring to. The red kunoichi outfit (if you can call it an outfit) she's famous for, that she's been sporting through out every incarnation of Fatal Fury and King Fighters since. 

Chance of Nudity: 4/topless action, nip slips, thong action

She going to show a lot of nipple with that outfit and it will get ripped to pieces. She'll be topless in no time, I know kunoichis are suppose to use sex as a weapon to distract their opponent, but Mai turns it up to 11.

2. Mileena, Mortal Kombat, Nether Realms  

Now I could have gone with her 'sister' Kitana or Jade, or Sheeva but since her outfit is just basically a sling bikini, but she's virtually a female version of Goro. So I went with Mileena instead. Why did I go with Ginsu Betty here? Apparently she's popular and is considered to be attractive according to some top ten lists despite her fugly ass appearance, being ten kinds of crazy, and the fact that she's Shang Tsung's attempt at cloning Kitana.

Outfit In Question: lets go with the one from MK9, I know all her outfits all have a chance of getting destroyed in battle. So I'll just go with the one from the reboot. 

She's a Butter Face, everything look good on her, but her face!

Chance of Nudity: 5/Full Frontal

Seriously her outfit would be destroyed, you'll see the whole nine yards of Mileena. Including losing the veil, hope you like piranha face.

1. Tyris Flare, Golden Axe Series, Sega 

Again cheating here as Tyris is also from a Beat Em Up, I've put her on this list because she has a few fans and she has a outfit that wouldn't stand a chance in a fight. Considering that Golden Axe is based on the Sword and Sorcery flicks of the 80's along with other arcade game as well. Where the era were full of naked ladies(i.e. see Sword and the Sorceress, Barbarian Queen, just name a few.)

Outfit in Question: Seriously, its just a bikini, You know the one from Golden Axe.     
80's fantasy babe!
Chance of Nudity: 5/Full Frontal

Anyway Tyris' outfit would get ripped off fighting the hordes of Death Adder leaving her nude and defenseless. That's what you get when decide to wear a bikini instead of full body armor.

Source: Mileena, Christie Monteiro, Sophetia, Mai Shiranui: The Fighters Generation; Tyris Flare: Giant Bomb; Blaze Fielding: Google.com